I was at 3 square, the restaurant/bakery on Abbot Kinney in Venice Beach over the weekend when I noticed a word on a menu that I didn’t recognize, schlag. People I’m eating with often ask me about culinary terms on menus, and most of the time I’m able to help them. I know from coulis and saba, and I know enough of the current buzzwords like “Berkshire” in front of pork, that I am always surprised when I am surprised, which I was with schlag at 3 Square. Naturally I came home and looked it up and found that schlag means, simply, “whipped cream.” I like that the Swiss (I think) German owner decided to use his native term for it. Plus, it sure made the dessert—a lemon pound cake sliced and served with strawberries and… you guessed it—seem fancier. The irony is that just the day before, I’d had a burger party for my dad (who is really my step-dad, which only matters if you are under the correct impression that my dad is dead), and served my family the exact same dessert. I felt slightly guilty about not having made the dessert—I bought the cake. But I was amazed by how amazed people were that I’d made the whipped cream. When my sister (who is really my half-sister), Iridia, asked, I made a hand-gesture of a bowl and me standing in front of it holding electric hand-held beaters. She still didn’t understand. And even though she is Mexican-Mexican (where I am gringa-Mexican), it wasn’t a language barrier. She speaks the whipped cream, as it were. Apparently, some people just don’t know how to make schlag. In any language. So below is a recipe. And in case you need to know how to say schlag in another language—any language!—here is a link just for that. God bless the Internet.
Take a carton or two whipped cream. Pour it into a big bowl. If you want to get fancy, you can freeze the bowl and the beaters you are going to use before this, when you first started thinking about schlag. (Cooks say this works, but it also works without doing this. Still, I do it.) Plug in your beaters, pluge them into the bowl with the cream, and beat the cream until it looks like whipped cream. Don’t beat it any more or you will end up with butter. If you were so inclined, you could add some sugar (I used powdered sugar on Saturday, and very little) and vanilla or booze (I didn’t) to the mix. That’s it. Impress your family and friends. Especially if you can present it in a language they don’t even remotely understand.